Existentialism

Lately in English we have been reading works of existentialists and I cannot necessarily say I agree fully with their ideals but i can understand their principles. I have taken on a lot of thinking in the past couple of days, and I want to venture more into the world. I want to spend some time in France just learning about life and the elements that guide it. I am more and more compelled to find my true calling in life. I feel this greatness inside of my blossoming with every breath I take and every realization I make. 

It's time to achieve greatness.

Hmm

I feel like I'm getting my life on track, I don't have any grudges or bridges to burn. I am just living every moment of life, doing what I want and not looking back.

I think I'm figuring this out.

My heart and soul

It's never easy

Loosing someone is never something you wish for 

It's a horrible and gut wrenching experience

it feels like your body is a water balloon

and more and more tears just pour out of you

You drown in these tears 

as you gasp for air

and then you feel it

that they're no longer there

you feel all alone

all you can do is cry and sleep

your body starts to shrivel

as you cry and you weep

You feel like no one knows your pain 

and no one ever will

like no one will ever understand 

what that life meant to you

but don't forget it doesn't matter if I don't know what you're going through, i will be there with you

I will be there no matter what

no matter how many leagues under the sea

no matter how long we go without talking

no matter what we say to each other

I

am

always

and 

forever

your 

friend

It's not going to be easy, but I'll never back down

Confidence

Sometimes I feel like I only post my feelings on here when I'm upset. I keep telling myself I am the only person holding me back, but why do I keep doing this crap. I keep going back to the quick fix probably because I'm so afraid of rejection. Every guy is usually more then willing to just hook up with you no strings attached, but there's only that special guy that will watch It Takes Two with you a million times, or bring you soup to your class because you told him you weren't feeling good. I know college is only a few months away, but it's killing me. I know a guy that fits all of these, but is he into me, or is he just a sweet guy to everyone. I keep fining myself in these situations, where the guy I fall for is either, just a really nice guy or he's gay and hasn't come out yet. I dunno, maybe I should stop the whole hook up thing it's starting to give me cravings for a deeper relationship, I would love to just lay down at fairchild and have a picnic and talk about how much I love this moment.

love song for no one

i sit here listening to sounds

writing them down

making sure that i get the beat, the ounce of the weight of the sound when it sinks in my heart for life and I make sure

it is time to get up get going move forward

i repeat all the sounds until they get really boring

so I can have them carved right into my heart for life and I make sure

that your "i love you" is on the first line

the middle

and the last

that you voice is 80% and it's on full blast

that you cover every inch my heart with  love right now and when im unsure i

repeat every sound that i left on my heart

i try to repeat them till they fall apart

and i'll never stop till your hear repeating them all right now and that is why i 

need you

scream my lungs out

i don't fucking understand what the hellamidoingwrong I feel like my heart is sinking sometimes and I don't know what to do. My heart hurts so much sometimes, I dunno how it got like this when did I become the bad guy, when was I classified as the girl who's going to spend her entire high school existence in the corner by herself in and constantly be in and out of failure relationships. I just want my time to be someone's number one, not just a a boy well I would love love love a boy, but a friend, I don't have someone who thinks that I'm their number one, I just want to be someone's number one, I just want to be someone's number one, I just want to be someone's number one, I just want to be someone's number one.